The Jewish wedding combines two themes that at first glance do not sit comfortably with each other. It is, on one had, a day of atonement for the bride (kallah) and groom (chattan). As on Yom Kippur, it is traditional to fast before the ceremony and we will recite the vidduy (confessional) and other parts of the High Holiday liturgy. As the wedding is taking place during Chanukah Richard and I will not be fasting as Chanukah supercedes fasts of atonement. Under the canopy (chuppah), we wear white garments as a symbol of purity and a new spiritual beginning (Rena wears a white gown, and Richard dons a kittel - a simple, white robe also worn on the High Holidays). The wedding day is marked by reflection on the past and anticipation of the future, by our transformation from individuals with separate pasts into a family with a common fate. On this day we start life afresh, and for that reason the wedding day is more joyful than solemn. That is where you come in, for Jewish wedding tradition declares it a mitzvah (a religious obligation) to enhance the simcha (happiness) of the bride and groom. The Talmud likens the chattan and kallah to a king and queen, with all the powers and rights of those positions (but none of the responsibilities), and we will take advantage of our one-day change in station to command you to join in our celebration. If you don't know the "proper" steps to the dances (we certainly do not), don't let that dissuade you - please come sing and dance with us.
Tisch
Prior to the formal wedding ceremony, Richard will be holding a reception called a tisch, from the Yiddish for table, and the celebration will indeed revolve around a large, central table. Richard will greet guests surrounded by singing and divrei Torah (words of Torah) culminating in the recital of the afternoon service (mincha).
During the tisch, we will be signing several documents as part of the traditional marriage process. First is the t'naim (the betrothal agreement), which stipulates the conditions of our engagement; once an essential element of Jewish martial law, the t'naim has largely lost its legal purpose, though it remains a widespread custom. At the chattan's tisch, traditionally the mothers of the couple jointly break a plate sealing the contract, perhaps in recognition of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, perhaps to warn symbolically of the severity of cavalierly breaking the t'naim. As Richard's mother is unable to make the journey from Seattle, Richard's sister, Cheryl Duge, will break the plate with Rena's mother, Brenda Katz.
The ketubah is signed next. Composed in Aramaic, this ancient formula delineates a husband's halachik (Jewish legal) obligations to his wife. Richard formally assumes this commitment by accepting a symbolic object, such as a pen or handkerchief, from our mesader kiddushin (officiant), Rabbi Moshe Kletenik, who acts as Rena's representative. Two witnesses will then sign the ketubah.
Kabbalat Panim and Bedeken
Rena's family will, singing and dancing, escort her to the lobby, where she, the queen of the day, will sit on a "throne" joined by her mother and family. During this time there will be a small reception where guests can greet Rena or visit Richard at his tisch.
Shortly thereafter, Richard, accompanied by his friends and family, will approach Rena and place a veil over her face - the act of bedeken. Rena's father will then bless her with the priestly benediction. The tradition of veiling the bride dates back centuries, and its origin remains unclear. Some link it to the matriarch Rebecca who, according to the Torah, modestly veiled herself when she first saw Isaac. There is another biblical source for this custom. Lavan tricked Jacob into marrying Leah instead of her younger sister Rachel by covering her face with a heavy veil. At the bedeken, Richard confirms that Rena is indeed his intended bride, thereby avoiding a deception similar to that which befell Jacob (NB: This is no reflection on Rena's father or sisters, especially as they are all married).
Chuppah
The chuppah, the canopy, symbolizes the home that we will build together. Like the tent of Abraham, which was constructed without walls so that he could welcome guests from all directions, we wish our home to be equally open to visitors (i.e. all of you here today). Forming the top of the chuppah is the tallit (the fringed prayer shawl), symbolizing the importance of Judaism and Jewish ritual in our lives and in our new home. This particular chuppah has been used by each of Rena's three siblings; Rena and Richard's names are inscribed on one of the poles, as is each of Rena's siblings and his/her respective spouse. The hope is for this chuppah to be used by the next generation, although we have a few years until Yonit, Ayelet, Benjamin and Dahlia are old enough.
It is traditional to rise briefly as the groom and then the bride walk down the aisle. Ronnie and Aylon, Rena's brothers-in-law, will welcome Richard and Rena to the chuppah by singing the traditional song.
The traditional Jewish marriage ceremony consists of two parts: kiddushin (sanctification and betrothal) and nissuin (marriage). As part of kiddushin, Rabbi Kletenik will recite a blessing over a cup of wine, from which Rena and Richard will later drink, as well as a blessing regarding the holiness of the relationship between husband and wife. Richard will then place a ring on Rena's finger. This practice is rooted in the halachik principle that whenever two people reach agreement and sign a contract, the transaction must be accompanied by the transfer of an object of value. Rena's willing acceptance of the ring, witnessed by two friends, seals the betrothal. Without her feely giving consent, the marriage would be invalid. The ketubah is then read aloud, publicly announcing the legal terms of the relationship, and Rena accepts the ketubah as her legal property.
Nissuin consists of the sheva brachot (seven blessings). The first blessing is over the wine. The next six proceed from the general to the particular, from the creation of the world, to the creation of man, to the granting of intellect to man, to Israel and its people, to the joy of the chattan and kallah as separate individuals, to the happiness of the bride and groom together (which you will help create by participating in our celebration). Finally, to conclude the ceremony, Richard will break a glass. This custom, recorded in the Talmud, tempers our joy and introduces a note of sobriety into the proceedings. The broken glass also serves as a reminder f the destruction to the Temple, prompting us to seek to build our new home as a sort of mikdash me'at (miniature Temple). Afterwards, the music will start up again and our friends will dance us to the yichud room.
Yichud
The yichud room is a private space where the bride and groom enjoy a few minutes alone before the festivities. Had we been fasting, this is when we would have eaten a little bit as well. Rena will give Richard his ring during this time. Meanwhile, two of our friends will stand outside the locked door to ensure our privacy. While we are in yichud please proceed back to the lobby to enjoy some hors d'oeuvres.
Seudat Mitzvah
We will then join you for singing, dancing, and celebration. When we enter the reception hall, two circles - one for men and one for women - will form for dancing. Please join in and help us celebrate our marriage. At the end of the meal, we will recite birkat hamazon (the grace after meals), followed by a repetition of the sheva brachot.